


Hope

by chocoprompt



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Depression, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Self-Harm, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-02
Updated: 2018-04-02
Packaged: 2019-04-17 06:33:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14182986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chocoprompt/pseuds/chocoprompt
Summary: Noctis has been acting odd and Ignis worries.





	Hope

**Author's Note:**

> Depression/intrusive thoughts and self-harm are mentioned!! Please, do not read if they are a trigger for you. Note that I am no expert (I myself have not suffered from depression exactly) but if any of you need to talk to somebody don't hesitate to talk to me!! Feedback is appreciated as always ^^ Enjoy either way! I hope I have projected everything the right way.   
> Additionally! I posted this last night but I started stressing so I deleted it. After thinking it throughout the night, I do think I did things the right way. Anyway, here it is again dhfhbjj sorry for any inconvenience!!

When the news of the Insomnia attack reached them, Ignis knew that what would be coming would be overwhelming: Noctis was,  _is_ , King. Back then, he had seen Gladio; how he tried to keep the composure even when he was breaking inside: not only his father was dead, but there was no guarantee his sister had survived. Ignis had seen Prompto’s panic, not even trying to hide it. However, all the blonde’s worry had been directed to the three of them rather than himself.

Although Ignis doesn’t know how he had been seen, all he can remember is Noctis’ emotions: negation, fury, anxiousness, sadness and finally acceptance. A few weeks have passed since then and they’re currently sailing: Prompto’s at the bow with Gladio while Noct is piloting. Ignis’ empty can of ebony is still in his hand, and he goes to throw it off to the can. Afterwards, he walks towards Noct, who seems to be focused on the radar.

“Anything near, Noct?” Ignis says after reaching Noctis’ side. Noct jumps, startled, before relaxing.

“Nah, not really,” He answers, looking at the sea through the window, “It’s night already.”

“It is indeed,” Ignis nods, “Would you like a break?”

Noctis’ gaze moves towards Ignis, considering. Ignis raises an eyebrow before Noctis yawns. Ignis chuckles, “Come on, no use if we end up sinking,” Ignis teases while Noct only acts offended.

“I would never sink us.”

“Whatever you say, Highness,” Ignis responds, attempting to grab the control in order to stop the boat. Surprisingly, Noctis lets him.

Ignis stops the boat in a few seconds and turns towards Noctis, who is absently looking down at his glove, “You are okay, Noct?”

He doesn’t answer for a few seconds before his eyes widen and he slowly looks back at Ignis, “Yeah, yeah,” Ignis doesn’t miss the way his lip trembles, and the advisor aches to comfort him, to know what is wrong, to fix it, “Just spaced out a bit,” Noctis shakes his head at the sight of Ignis, whose eyebrows have furrowed in worry, “I’m fine, Specs.”

Ignis nods, trying his best to erase the obvious concern on his face. He deeply wishes for Noct to share his thoughts with him; the ones which are eating him, yet he knows he cannot force Noct to talk, “I will call the others,” Ignis says, turning his back to Noct. He waits vainly for a response and starts walking when there is none.

* * *

Much to everyone’s despair, Noctis’ headaches seem to be getting worse. Ignis has tried  _everything_ ; from pills to homemade remedies, yet nothing seems enough to lessen the pain. The only explanation Ignis can guess is that it is a consequence of the Astrals, and so he explains his hypothesis to the others in the hotel hall.

“Why would any of them try to contact me now?” Noct complains, a hand covering his forehead. Prompto shots him a worried look.

“Maybe ‘cause you’re the King now,” Gladio, ever so helpful, says, “And it is about time you take action.”

“Look, it’s not—”

“I beg both of you to stay quiet,” Ignis interrupts Noct before he can answer back. Ignis waits for a second and sighs upon the following silence, “Shall we try going to the Disc of Cauthess?”

“Isn’t that where Titan is?” Prompto asks, curiously.

“It is indeed.”

Gladio furrows his eyebrows, “Doesn’t it have an imperial blockade?”

“It does,” Ignis says, “We can see if getting near changes anything; if it does, then it is where we are to go and we will consequently make a plan as to how pass the Empire,” Ignis explains, eyes fixed on Noctis who has become quiet, “If it is the same, we simply turn around and look for another reason.”

Gladio nods, “Sounds good to me.”

Prompto smiles, “Same here!” He exclaims, before his eyes return to Noct, “Noct?”

Noct stays quiet for a few seconds before he nods, “Yeah, sure,” He answers, locking eyes with Prompto and smiling a bit to erase the blonde’s worry. Afterwards, he looks at Gladio and Ignis, his eyes lingering a bit on the latter, “I’m fine, guys. The headache is a pain in the ass, that’s all.”

Gladio’s concern is evident yet he merely nods. Even as the others start leaving, Ignis stays put for a moment looking at Noctis’ back. He makes a mental note to mention it to Prompto and Gladio later, see if they know if anything else is wrong, “C’mon, Ignis,” The advisor blinks when Noctis speaks up.

“Of course, Noct,” Ignis answers before following him.

* * *

Ignis has always been an expert when it comes to preparing: He always looks into every detail, plans everything as far as he can and if there is any problem, he finds a quick and logical solution. This is the reason why, despite the fact that Ignis should have known better, he is standing dumbfounded at the Chocobo ranch. By no means is he blaming himself; if there is anyone to blame, it should be none other but the very Chancellor. However, Ignis knows putting the blame on anyone is useless, especially when there are things to be taken care of, such as where the Regalia is. Before anything, though, they all need rest.

“I suggest we find a place to rest,” Ignis speaks in the silence.

“I agree,” Noct answers tiredly. Prompto is at Noctis’ side, ready to support him if he falls by any chance.

“The caravan will have to do,” Gladio comments before he starts walking, all the others following.

It isn’t after they have all taken a shower that they find themselves relaxed. Gladio and Prompto are chatting quietly on one bed while Noct is laying on the other. Even in his sleeping clothes, he is still wearing his glove. Ignis approaches, a small smile finding a place on his lips at the sight of Noct resting, finally without any bother. He quickly looks at the other bed, only to find Gladio and Prompto kissing.

Ignis’ eyes return to look at Noct, except that it is at his lips this time. They are partly opened, sign that he’s sleeping peacefully. Ignis’ shakes his head because as much as he would love to kiss him, he knows now is not the right time. So, he settles for a kiss on Noctis forehead, “I am really proud of you, Noct,” He murmurs, lips lingering there for a moment before separating. After covering Noct with a blanket, Ignis lays down next to him. Ignis’ mind thinks vaguely of the fact that Noct is still wearing his glove, but sleep quickly comes to him, pushing that thought for later.

* * *

Ignis is currently cooking at the haven. Noct and Prompto have gone off somewhere while Gladio has taken care of putting the tent and chairs. Ignis quietly hums, the light of the dawn making him feel quite at ease.

“Iggy.”

“Yes, Gladio?” Ignis asks, turning his head to look at the larger man. Ignis sighs at the look on his face and turns off his cooking equipment before turning around completely, “What’s the matter?”

“I’m kinda worried about Noct,” Gladio states and Ignis nods because he is too.

“I’m guessing you have also noticed a change in his behaviour?” Ignis inquires, thankful someone else has realized.

“Yeah,” Gladio bites his lip, breaking eye contact with Ignis by looking to the side, “What’re we supposed to do now?”

Ignis sighs, looking at the sunset, “I wish I knew,” Ignis pauses before talking again, “I fear there is nothing we can do unless His Highness decides to talk by himself.”

A comfortable silence is created between them before Ignis breaks it, “Have you mentioned any of this to Prompto?” Ignis asks out of curiosity before smirking, “I have seen you two have become quite fond of each other.”

Ignis chuckles at Gladio’s blush, “I have,” Gladio answers nonetheless, “Said he was gonna try to keep Noct more on check,” Gladio scratches the back of his neck with one hand before murmuring, “It’s impossible not to become fond of a guy like him, Iggy.”

Ignis nods with a smile before he turns around and turns on the kitchen once again, “I will make sure to keep a more careful eye on Noct,” Not like Ignis hasn’t been doing so earlier but well, he has another good reason to do so now.

“Good,” Gladio says before walking away. Ignis starts cooking in silence and it is when he’s collocating the proper ration in each plate that Ignis hears a known laugh; Prompto’s. Just in time.

Ignis smirks while taking two plates and taking them to the fire. Noct has just lighted up the fire and he’s sitting down on one of the chairs while Prompto helps Ignis bring the other two dishes. Ignis sits at his usual sit; between Gladio and Noct.

“You guys wanna take a look at all the cool pics I took today?” Prompto says after he’s done eating.

“Let me retain all the dishes first, Prompto,” Ignis says while standing up. He frowns when he sees Noctis’ dish almost completely full and it seems the others have noticed too.

“Buddy, are you feeling good?” Prompto asks, concern written over his face.

Instead of answering, Noct just stands up and shakes his head, walking towards the tent. Ignis and the others watch as Noct says an “I’m feeling too tired, goodnight,” and gets into the tent.

“But the photos…” Prompto murmurs to himself before his hands cover his face, and Ignis hears him take a deep breath.

On the other hand, Gladio lets himself fall to the floor with a loud thump and a grunt.

Ignis stares down at the dish, frown still on his face, while his mind makes up millions of possible solutions. He arrives at none. 

* * *

They are in Cape Caem now; Prompto is outside taking pics of Talcott while Gladio is talking with Iris. It feels odd, really, not having to cook. It is a habit Ignis has taken; one he doesn’t wish to leave.

Ignis unlocks his phone to check his mail. He hums in the quiet room; the only sound being the water from the shower Noctis is taking. He scans to see if there is anything of importance and fails to see anything of the sort. He, therefore, changes apps, noticing the water has stopped running. Insentiently, he has opened the Insomnia newspaper online. He reads the headings, seeing one regarding chocobos and decides to save it for Prompto. He is about to lock his phone when Noct comes out of the shower, and Ignis’ eyes leave the phone to look at him. He’s wearing a towel around his waist, but that’s not on what Ignis focuses for once. His eyes are stuck on Noctis’ left wrist, which happens to be bleeding.

Ignis slowly stands up, leaving the phone on the bed. He takes a step forward, making Noctis take one back, “It’s not what it looks like—” Noct starts, but Ignis just shakes his head.

“Sit on the bed,” Ignis commands quickly, “I am going to get a medical kit,” Ignis pauses, looking straight at Noctis’ eyes, “Do not move, please.”

Ignis waits for Noct to sit down before slipping into the bathroom. His eyes scan, quick and efficient, until they lay down in the shower; blood. Ignis bits his lip, he’ll investigate it later. First things first.

Ignis gets the medical kit and leaves the bathroom, letting out a breath when he finds Noct dressing. His chest and arms are uncovered; the blood still present and leaving the dark-haired’s veins. Noctis is wearing pants now, though.

“Ignis, I…” Noct starts, but Ignis shushes him, “Sit down and let me take care of that.”

Noctis opens his mouth to probably complain but it takes one look from Ignis for Noctis to shut his mouth. Noctis sits down, Ignis following him. He puts the kit next to him, “Show me the wound, Noct.”

Ignis notices Noct’s trembling even before extending his arm, forearm being the sight Ignis sees. Ignis mouth opens, and Ignis finds himself biting his lip so it is forced to stay closed, wanting to punch himself. How  _could_  he not have noticed he doesn’t know, “Noct…”

Noct’s thin wrist is covered with scars. Some, Ignis realizes, are more recent than others while others are not to be considered even scars. Ignis doesn’t wait for a response; he starts to act. Carefully, he starts cleaning the wounds, ignoring the guilt which hits his heart every time Noctis flinches in pain. When he is finished, he takes a bandage and covers his whole wrist. He takes a deep breath, preparing himself to regard the matter. His eyes met with Noctis’ and Ignis is about to open his mouth but Noct beats him to it, “I’m-I’m sorry…” He starts, voice trembling before biting his lip as if considering what to say next.

Ignis merely shakes his head, “Why, Noct?” Ignis asks, but continues before Noct can answer, “You knew,” Ignis pauses, “ _Know_  that we are always available,” Ignis takes a deep breath, “Why did you not say anything?”

“I don’t—”

“You doubted our knowledge?” Ignis asks out loud.

“Ignis—”

“For how long has this been going on, Highness? Since we left Insomnia? Or even earlier?”

“Shut up!” Noctis exclaims, “I get you’re mad or whatever,” Noctis’ voice starts lowering as he talks, “But acting like that is only gonna make them worse.”

Ignis closes his eyes, takes a deep breath and reopens them, “My apologies, Noct,” He looks at Noctis, whose eyes are a bit red, probably at the verge of tears. The sight makes Ignis ache, “Who are ‘they’?”

Noctis breaks eye-contact, “I don’t know,” Noct closes his eyes, “They just come sometimes,” He starts slowly, “It doesn’t matter where I am or what I’m doing,” Noctis’ eyes are still closed and even though all Ignis wants is to reach out to him, he doesn’t know whether his touch would be welcomed, “They just arrive saying things like ‘you’re going to mess up’ or ‘he thinks you’re an idiot now’,” Noctis gulps, eyes finally opening. His voice wavers with the words he says next, “They tell me I’m better off dead.”

Ignis feels the world spinning for a second before it all stops. It feels as though his body were moving without his permission; when Ignis comes back to his senses, he finds himself with Noctis in his arms, “Oh, Noct,” Is all he can say. Noctis’ body is trembling, his head on Ignis’ shoulder. Ignis tightens his embrace when he hears a sob escaping the younger man’s lips. They stay like that for a few minutes, and Ignis is internally glad no one has decided to enter the room. When Ignis notices Noctis a bit calmer is when he feels brave to ask.

“How long has this been going for, Noct?” He asks softly, not letting Noctis go.

“Ever since Insomnia fell,” His voice is muffled by Ignis’ shoulder, “The voices arrived a bit later, but ever since everything happened,” Noctis pauses, letting out a breath, “It’s been harder to concentrate, and I keep feeling empty.”

Ignis merely nods, moving his hands along Noctis’ back, in an attempt at comfort, “What about the scars?”

He feels Noctis tensing under his touch, “I started when we came back from talking with Cor,” Noctis says carefully, as if Ignis would get mad, “First one was an accident, but I found…” Noct trails off, as though finding the right words.

“Comfort?” Ignis offers, the word painful in his mouth.

He feels Noct nodding, “The blood makes me feel,” Ignis can tell Noct is looking at his wrist. Ignis closes his eyes as Noct keeps on talking, “I know it’s bad and that I shouldn’t do it but it’s… nice not feeling empty.”

“How many times?” Ignis ventures to ask.

“Too many,” Noct answers, “Couldn’t recount them if I tried.”

Ignis opens his eyes, surprising himself when he finds them beginning to get wet. He clenches his teeth, refusing to let it out. ‘It is not about you,’ he reminds himself, ‘It’s about Noct.’

Unlike Noctis, Ignis has always been a man of words thus being the way he decides to follow. After a few seconds of ordering his mind, Ignis speaks up, “It has been really hard, Noct,” Ignis starts carefully, “But I would like you to know...” Ignis trails off, wincing at his choice of words. ‘Well, too late to go back now’, “Many things.”

He feels Noctis chuckling, “I see even you end up running out of words.”

“As I was saying,” Ignis continues, “Even if matters feel overwhelming or too troublesome for you to bear, know you need not do so alone,” Ignis pauses, “That is what we are here for you, is it not?” Ignis keeps saying, “In regard to the voices issue,” Ignis stops, considering what else to say, “I know your thoughts are being traitorous to you and I, therefore, would wish to aid you in putting them aside,” Ignis gulps, “I lack knowledge as to how far I can help, but as long as it is something,  _anything,_  please do let me inside your mind, Noct,” Ignis presses a soft kiss to Noctis’ hair, “Let me help you.”

Ignis waits patiently for Noctis’ response, “I’ll try my best,” Noct murmurs, “But I can’t promise anything.”

“That is more than enough,” Ignis then takes a deep breath, preparing himself once again, “About the cutting matter…” He trails off before speaking, “I am aware it is not on my power nor can I do anything to help you,” Ignis forcefully closes his eyes, guilt rushing through his veins, “Yet I…”  _I wish it were me, I wish I could do something, anything. Please, if there is any of the Astrals watching over us, let me help him._

“I know, Specs,” Noctis interrupts, putting a bit of distance between them. Ignis lets his arms fall to his sides and he opens his eyes again when he feels a hand on his heart. Ignis isn’t sure if his heartbeat is going faster than it should or if on the other hand, it is going at a normal rate, but he soon finds that he does not really care. Ignis slowly raises one hand and covers Noctis’ before whispering, “Please, let me be there for you,” He takes Noctis’ hands and brings it to his lips, carefully kissing the knuckles.

Suddenly, Noctis puts his hands away, making Ignis jump in surprise. The advisor is about to apologize when he feels two hands on his cheek and a pair of lips on his. Ignis makes a startled sound; his mind offering a thousand logical reasons as to why this is wrong. All of it is thrown away when Noctis grumbles and bits on Ignis’ bottom lip, to make him react. Consequently, Ignis does: he kisses back. Ignis feels his chest weight with all the feeling Noctis is putting on it, and his heart skips a beat when he feels Noctis sighing into the kiss: Noct feels like a part of Ignis now, his home. To see his home crashing down is heartbreaking; but that’s what Ignis is here for: rebuilding. They separate, Ignis getting lost on Noct’s dark blue eyes.

“I know,” Noct continues while recovering his breath, “That you wish to be in my place,” Ignis opens his mouth to protest, but Noctis puts his finger on Ignis lips to silence him. It works, “But you do enough, Ignis,” His name is said with so much feeling it makes Ignis tremble, “So please, don’t blame yourself, nor wish for things you know won’t come true.”

Ignis sighs before pressing a kiss to Noctis’ finger, “I know, Noct,” Ignis smirks, “You just talked like a King.”

Noct hums, “I’ll try my best.”

“Do not hesitate to call for help,” Ignis adds, “We’ll gladly aid you.”

Ignis does not want to imagine how the others would have reacted were they in this position. All the signs had been there been; Noctis spacing out, Noctis eating less, Noctis sleeping more. If Ignis is honest, he wants nothing more than to have Gladio hit him with his great sword for being so stupidly oblivious. Ignis is going to look more into the topic later, that’s for sure.

“In addition,” Ignis continues, “I believe you should tell the others.”

“I know,” Noctis answers, “I was planning to tell all of you someday but I, uh,” Noct pauses, red covering his cheeks, “Wasn’t expecting for you to be waiting out here for me.”

Ignis smiles, avoiding the darkest corners of his mind, “Today has been full of surprises it seems.”

“I will overcome it, Ignis,” Noctis says, tone turning so confident Ignis can only believe what he says, “Just you wait.”

“Yes,” Ignis answers, putting his hands on Noct’s cheeks.

“I’m feeling, Ignis,” Noct murmurs before closing his eyes and breathing deeply, “I’m feeling hope,” Noct pauses and leans into Ignis’ touch, “You’re by my side?”

“Always.”

**Author's Note:**

> References:  
> [Depression information](https://www.news-medical.net/health/Intrusive-Thoughts-and-Depression.aspx) \+ one of my closest friends!! (Thank you!!)  
> Last but not least, here's my [tumblr](http://oumaxv.tumblr.com/)
> 
>   
> 


End file.
